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Published on December 21st, 2012 | by Gizmodo

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Our 2012 Tech Company Report Cards: Who Flunked?

It’s the end of the year—and that means it’s the end of the semester.

Our 2012 Tech Company Report Cards: Who Flunked?It’s the end of the year—and that means it’s the end of the semester. Before we all go on winter break, it’s time to have a tough conversation, kiddos. Grades are in. Who misbehaved? Who shined? Who got detention?

Our 2012 Tech Company Report Cards: Who Flunked?

Social Skills
Universally loved, although a little showy with its allowance—we’ve heard about money troubles at home? Facebook won’t listen to what anyone else says, but darnit, we just love it too much to care. Every single day.

Arts & Crafts
Unlike years past, Facebook managed to not ruin anything too badly—in fact, it’s actually easier on the eyes. Facebook has the occasional tantrum, insisting it’s not working on a smartphone during class. We’re glad.

Verbal Comprehension
We’re not sure what Facebook owns, for how long, or why. Student is uncooperative, and doesn’t seem to care that we care. Can you sell our pictures? No? Yes? A little? Strangers can message us for a dollar? Why exactly? Are we going to get ads with auto-audio? Maybe? We hope not? What is Facebook going to do to make enough money off of us? Anyone’s guess—they’re not making it easy to predict.

Our 2012 Tech Company Report Cards: Who Flunked?

This was a year of personal growth for Google. We’re proud to see how much it’s matured—Android actually feels like real smartphone software, and not DOS with makeup on. It’s been a pleasure to watch! Still, we’re worried that Google’s social development is still stunted: its efforts to turn Google+ into anything desirable in 2012 were largely fruitless.

Social Skills
Awkward. Means well, but doesn’t click with peers. Keeps trying to show off a social network that nobody wants. A little oblivious. Executives might need a public speaking coach.

Arts & Crafts
Lovely progress! Android finally looks good enough to hang on the fridge. A huge step, and what matters most. But what was that Nexus Q all about? We like to see creative thinking but it was just a big black blob that didn’t really do anything. Classmates puzzled by repeated mentions of “Google TV,” whatever this means.

Verbal Comprehension
Does anyone outside of Google’s legal team really know exactly what the hell the deal is with its privacy policy? We know it’s bad, but how bad? Google is great at self-expression in the form of warm blog posts, but seems to have trust issues with classmates. We’re worried Google is alienating itself and pushing away peers. We’ll keep an eye on it next semester.

Our 2012 Tech Company Report Cards: Who Flunked?

Social Skills
Apple doesn’t make it easy to get along. iMessage breaks frequently, the company is suing everyone it can, it pushed away its BFF Google, had to draw its own maps, and was mocked by the rest of the class. We think we saw tears, but Apple said it was fine.

Arts & Crafts
Apple still makes the best stuff in the world, but that’s not exciting anymore. Student seems stalled. That iPad Mini screen left us scratching our heads. iOS is starting to feel stale. Brutal Chinese labor conditions upset classmates. Extra points for vocab and attention to detail, though classmates aren’t sure what a “chamfer” is.

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